When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
