Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
