i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
