I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
