ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
