i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
