Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
