i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
