My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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