Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
