I cannot find my penis.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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