my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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