Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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