so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
