Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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