so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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