it hurts more in the daytime
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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