So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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