I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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