She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize