you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
