All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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