why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
