Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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