I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you didnt know i had herpes?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
