I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
