Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
