I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
