You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
