escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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