so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize