and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
