im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize