Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's never too late to be topless.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
