Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
