3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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