they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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