I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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