She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The best revenge is premature balding
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
