We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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