i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
