i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
