It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
smell my finger.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
