Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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