Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
