It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I supernannyed him into submission
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
