you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
