Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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