that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
