I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
