I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We had to coat check the pizza.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
