if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
