How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
