just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
