Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
