his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
