her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
