dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
