you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
