why didn't you poke me back
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
