The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
