There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
