you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
